never look down on anyone unless you are picking them up
Sunday, August 31, 2008
i drove back to an empty home. drop my stuffs and lay my well-manicured fingers to silent. did i mention i smell fear in the past. i was surprised i didnt choke to my own. grab a bowl of cereal. watch a couple of old movies. sit in front of my computer. i hate facing the computer. had 5 days a week of doing that. but silence is building up 'round my surroundings again.
dilemma playing on the track. i completed his book. my pace is catching up these days. i dont really like it. it just seems to grow in me anyway. often i caught myself, is age catching so fast on me?
back to that afternoon. it was 3pm. a two hours session. i feel really uncomfortable. almost not looking at her eyes. i didnt want her to read me, or at least she thinks she really know me. i hand over a stupid drawing and thats if that piece of art can read me. i closed my eyes and pleading hard i was elsewhere. like a little girl passing the candy shop, gazing in. opening to the shitty reality.
we shifted to the blessing room, or so, they name it. i snorted quietly. this time, i placed my eyes comfortably on the hard concrete wall, ironically telling myself, to focus on those. the session ended so fast than i thought. its disgusting, period.
ask what i wanted, my mind went blank. because i didnt. prolly a white volks. asked if i wanted bigger diamonds or even bags. i went duh. but i sway along the way. i didnt wanna those questions. i yearn to be elsewhere. honest.
will someone take my hand?